Almost Perfect
by CharlieSinclaire
Summary: What if Edward had been forced to change Bella? What if immortal Bella isn't what everyone expected her to be? Can Edward find it in himself to stay with the newborn that he sired or will immortal Bella be too much for him? And why is Jasper always watching her from across the room? Sometimes the things we wished for are more than we ever bargained for… Rated T for now,AU,J/B
1. Introduction

**Hello everyone! So my muse has been doing an annoying little jig inside my head for a while now and I finally decided to give in and try and put this story down on paper. Now I am in college and as seen with my other WIP this sometimes causes me to have little time to write. I have a lot of this story planned out, but I can't promise how frequent updates will occur, especially when school starts again, but I do hope that you enjoy this story and enjoy the ride along with me!**

**Now just a little information about this story. Each chapter will be in one person's POV. Chapter 1 will be in Bella's POV, Chapter 2 will be Jasper, Chapter 3 will be Edward and then back to Bella etc. This is a bit of a challenge for me because I will have to create three distinct voices and I tend to think that my "narrators" always sound the same. So I hope to receive feedback from you guys and please be honest! This is something new I am trying I appreciate any advice you are willing to give.**

**With being said I hope you enjoy and as a nice little prologue for this story, below are the lyrics to the song that inspired this story to begin with, **_**Almost Perfect**_** by Ingram Hill.**

Maybe her eyes are just a little bit red  
Almost all the time  
Maybe her hair, it smells like cigarettes  
When I climb into bed with her at night

She don't wanna try  
But this just feels so right

She's almost perfect  
She is so close to being everything  
She's almost perfect  
But she's not, she's not

Maybe she knows she drives me crazy  
Just bats her eyes like she's my baby  
Maybe she's quick to let her tongue fly at me  
She's not the most proper lady

She don't wanna try  
But this just feels so right

She's almost perfect  
She is so close to being everything  
She's almost perfect  
But she's not, she's not

I'm the one to blame I know I caused this crash  
So now I wander in this mess  
Into this lake of sour mashed  
Through my head the notion that

Maybe she's not quite honest with me  
Almost all the time  
Maybe I know there's someone else in her life  
When I climb into bed with her at night

She's almost perfect  
She is so close to being everything  
She's almost perfect  
But she's not, she's not

She's almost perfect  
She is so close to being everything  
She's almost perfect  
But she's not, but she's not mine mine yeah


	2. Bella

_Pain_.

That was all that I could feel when I felt my consciousness return to me. It felt as if I were being burned from the inside out. I could feel the pain in every fiber of my being, I nearly blacked out once again. I had never imagined that there could exist pain of this magnitude and it was all I could do to not fall back into an unconscious state.

Suddenly I felt the pain begin to build, growing in intensity as I fought the blackness that was quickly consuming me. It was a losing battle. The pain I was enduring was far too great for me to bear. I finally let go, willingly allowing myself to slip once again into the darkness that was so desperately trying to consume me. Just as I felt I was about to go under once more, something changed.

There was no pain.

There was no more darkness trying to consume my mind.

It was finally over.

I breathed in, even though I felt no need to provide my lungs with oxygen. It must have been a leftover habit. The tiny breath, however, ignited my brain and sent it off at full speed trying to decipher my surroundings. Based on that small little gasp of air, I was able to learn so many things that as I human I would have never been able to process.

There were flowers in the room. Three roses and five daisies. All placed together.

The window was open and there were two birds currently nesting in a tree outside of it.

There was a tree outside the window. Pine.

I was in disbelief, not only because I could tell that much about my surroundings from a tiny bit of air, but that my brain could process this many things at once. It felt like I could concentrate on ten different things all at the same time and still give each one the needed consideration. It was astonishing. My mind then picked up on something else mixed in with all of the other scents which made me open my eyes and quickly throw myself into a standing position.

Apparently grace was an inherited vampire trait.

What my eyes saw made me freeze for a moment. I could literally count the dust particles in the room. I could every detail of the room in front of me, including the most microscopic scratch that would been invisible to human eyes. I could see the light coming off of the nearby lamp and I could see the color spectrum that it broke into.

I could see _everything_.

This included two other vampires who had situated themselves on the farthest side of the room and who were watching me with great caution. I was able to see each and every detail of the two as they stood there, completely frozen. It was like I was looking at two works of art. They were stunning. Their beauty distracted me for a moment, before my eyes settled on the arms of the one with the longer hair.

His arms were covered in bite marks.

Something inside of my screamed that they were dangerous, that I needed to back away. Even though I could vaguely recognize them, some more basic instinct was pushing for me to run as far away from the two of them as I possibly could. This instinct overruled any rational thought in my brain. I hissed at them and was suddenly able to feel venom slowly beginning to trickle down the back of my throat.

All of the sudden my throat was burning. _I needed blood_.

Before I could focus long enough on the most efficient escape route, however, the vampire with shorter hair moved forward a fraction of a step and spoke in a soft whisper,

"Bella?"

My eyes snapped towards him and this time a growl escaped from my throat. He needed to back off. I was not in the mood to be tested and I would not allow him to stop me from sating the burning in my throat. It appeared that he was not to be deterred, however. He opened his mouth and began to speak once again,

"Bella? It's me Edward. You know me. You know I won't hurt you." As he said this he moved forward another fraction of an inch.

This slight movement startled me and without a conscious decision on my part, I found myself with my back against the wall. I felt trapped. I needed out of here _now_. I watched intently as the other vampire quickly pulled him back and forced his attention away from me. It almost looked as if they were having a silent conversation.

I didn't care. I needed blood.

With that thought I was out the window. It appeared that I had no more delays between thinking of an action and actually performing it. It seemed that my body knew what I needed it to do before I even did. Every action that I had performed so far had been almost completely unconscious on my part. I was running purely on my instincts, letting them lead me to my first source of blood.

I landed on the ground, already running at full speed. Within moments I was running through a thick forest, millions of new sights and smells threatening to overwhelm my senses at any given moment. I was lucky that as a vampire my brain could rationalize many trains of thought all at once or I would have been crushed beneath the weight of all of the new sensations that surrounded me. Quickly, though, the burning in the back of my throat reminded me why I was running through the forest in the first place.

I took another small breath in and immediately smelt something edible off in the distance.

Deer.

I could tell that normally the scent would not have attracted me very much, but right now I was just too thirsty to even care. I took off through the trees, literally smashing through any obstacle in my way. I didn't care if I alerted my prey to my presence. It would not be getting away.

I caught sight of it much farther away than I ever could as a human. It was a large buck and just at it began to raise its head to look in my direction, I was on top of it. I sunk my teeth into its neck without a second thought and began to drain it of every last drop of blood in its system.

I could feel the blood spilling down the back of my throat and for a moment I felt a bit better. I had just dropped the carcass, however, when the burning in my throat came back just as strong as before. I let out a loud growl of frustration. I need more blood.

I immediately caught wind of a bear nearby and took off. If that deer was any indication I was going to be doing this for a while. I locked the bear in my sights and pounced. Unlike the deer, it fought back, trying to bite me and his me with its paws. I wrapped my arms around its neck and bit down. It let out a tremendous roar before falling to the ground.

I had to admit bear definitely tasted a lot better than deer. I now knew why Emmett liked to hunt them so much.

Emmett.

I had a startling moment of clarity as I remembered the vampire who was like an older brother to me. He was always able to me laugh. I chuckled when I thought about the look on his face when I told him I took down a grizzly bear on my own my first time out. I could just see the pride on his face now.

All thoughts were suddenly erased from my head.

My senses were suddenly overwhelmed with the most amazing smell I had ever encountered. I felt as if it were calling to me and before I could even completely register what it was, I had released the half drained bear and was headed in the direction of the smell. Somewhere, deep in my mind, I knew what I was chasing after long before it came into my sights, but it so completely overwhelmed me that I couldn't bring myself to really care.

Unlike before when I was able to focus on multiple trains of thought all at once, my brain was solely focused on this new smell. Everything else ceased to exist as I ran through the forest towards my target. There was nothing in the world in that moment but me and my delectable meal that I had locked onto.

The creature was in my sights within moments. Venom had begun to secrete itself at entirely new levels inside of my mouth and my throat was burning even more greatly than it had before I had drained that deer. It was unbearable and it was the only thing I could focus on as I ran towards my unsuspecting prey.

I had never felt so consumed or driven by a single thing in my entire life before I had turned. I had no words for the insatiable need I felt to drink from the creature that was soon about to be in my grasp. At that moment I didn't think there was a word strong enough to describe the overwhelming need I felt in those very moments as I sped through the forest.

Before I knew it, I was behind the creature, plunging my fangs into its neck with an unforgivable amount of force. It only took moments for me to drain it, but those moments, as I tasted this magnificent creature's blood, were almost unreal. The only thing I could even think to compare it to would be the high one would get after using drugs.

Although I had never used drugs in my human life, however, I felt it was probably a very weak comparison.

There couldn't be anything that existed for humans that had could impact them the way these moments impacted me. In these moments I finally felt complete. I finally knew my purpose and knew what I was. For once I wasn't stumbling my way through my life, I knew exactly why I was here. I quickly knew that there would never be anything that could compare.

The blood managed to quench my thirst almost completely for the moment and I let the drained corpse fall to the ground. Only then did I allow myself to think about what I had just done. Looking down at the body in front of me, I realized that I had just drank human blood. I stayed in my spot, frozen, kneeling over the body, letting my mind process what had just happened only moments before.

I waited for the feelings to come. The guilt, the anguish, the sadness at taking a human life. I remained there waiting to be overcome by these feelings just as everything else I had experienced since I had awoken had overcome me.

I felt none of these things.

No remorse. No guilt.

The only things I felt was a feral pride somewhere deep in my chest and relief that the burning that had been occurring in the back of my throat was somewhat sated for the moment. I also felt confusion, but it was a faint feeling, buried somewhere deep in the back of my mind.

I felt confusion that I didn't feel any guilt at what I had just done.

The confusion was being masked though by the other, stronger emotions that continued to be fueled by my ever present instincts. Drinking from a human had felt right. It had felt more right than anything that I had ever experienced in either my human life or in the short time I had already spent as a vampire. Everything about the experience called out to me, called out to every fiber of my being.

If it felt so right though, then why was I so sure that it was wrong?

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter. The next chapter up will continue on in Jasper's POV. Thank you for reading and remember reviews are always appreciated!**


	3. Jasper

Newborns were exceedingly easy to track. Even without my countless years of experience handling them I doubted that anyone was incapable of tracking them. Take Bella for example. One just had to follow the path of debris that she had left in her wake as she had run through the forest. It wouldn't take me long to find her at all. If I was actually trying, of course.

Unlike the rest of the family, I wasn't going to raise Bella up onto some pedestal, just to watch her come crashing down. No matter how prepared she had thought she had been to be changed, the fact was she was still a newborn. It was a simple, hard fact that the rest of the family could not seem to grasp for the life of them.

During my time with Maria, I had personally created, trained and killed hundreds, possibly thousands of newborns. Every single last one of them had been the same. They were all erratic, controlled by their emotions and instincts and of course, blood crazy. It was the nature of the beast, so to speak and no matter how hard I had tried to explain this to the rest of them, they did not want to listen.

They all firmly believed that Bella was going to be special. That she was going to be some anomaly that completely disregarded all of the laws governing the transformation. They were constantly looking at everything through rose colored glasses and to be honest, it pissed me off.

It was one of the reasons why I had been considering separating from the family for about a decade now. As much as the others always tried to treat me as part of their family and remind me that I was equal to the rest of them, I knew that I was always going to be an outsider. That was alright with me too. I'd rather be an outsider than a fool.

I knew the world was an unforgiving place, no matter how much the others wanted to believe different. While they were content playing human and living in their ivory towers, I was always keeping my back firmly against the wall and planning for the worst. I had learned long ago that complacency often led to destruction.

They would also never see eye to eye with me on feeding habits. I had spent the majority of my vampire life feeding on humans. I felt no remorse from the actions. It was part of my nature and I would never regret a fundamental part of myself. The only reason I even stuck to a "vegetarian" diet was because Alice had insisted we needed to join the Cullen family after she found me and the diet was a deal-breaker.

I knew, however, if I were to ever leave the family then I would probably go back to feeding on humans without a second thought. That didn't seem likely to happen in the near future though. Not with Bella being newly turned. I wasn't going to just leave her in the hands of the rest Cullen family while she found her way as a newborn.

It wasn't that I thought they would do her any harm. On the contrary, I knew the only place she was safer was with myself. No, the reason was that I wasn't going to let Bella be forced up onto this pedestal they had made for her. It was their fault she had been brought to this point and she at least deserved to have the freedom to make her own choices. I knew the only way that would be possible would be if I stuck around.

It hadn't been hard to convince the family to let me take her to one of my own properties. I owned thousands of acres of land, so I assured them that there would be no humans around, even if that wasn't completely true. I also reminded them that newborns often got restless, especially when too many vampires were around. Although they were sure this wouldn't be an issue, they didn't argue with me because I had more experience than any of them in handling newborns.

The only catch was that Edward had come too. It wasn't a surprise when he had demanded to come along. He still loved Bella and I could feel the remorse rolling off of him in waves anytime her name came up. He blamed himself for what had happened and was determined to be there to help Bella after she awoke. Now all I had to do was make sure that he didn't influence Bella into making decisions she didn't want to make.

Lost in all of these thoughts, I slowly made my way through the forest, following Bella's path of destruction. The first thing I came across was a deer carcass, mutilated and fully drained of any and all blood. I smirked. At least hunting wasn't one of the things that I would have to work on with Bella.

I knew that often some of the traits that a person possessed as a human carried over into their existence as a vampire and shone through even as a newborn. Bella has been so soft spoken and grounded as a human that I had worried how she would take to being a predator.

As I continued through the forest my smirk widened as I came across the grizzly bear. Apparently, there was no reason to worry at all. Bella was a natural predator it seemed. Upon closer inspection, however, I noticed something off about the bear. It wasn't completely drained and that was curious to me. Newborns were so blood crazy it was nearly impossible to find something that could get them to remove themselves from any source of blood, even if it was animal blood.

The only thing I could think of with that strong of a pull was human blood. I allowed myself a small breath of the surrounding air and raised an eye brow. That was interesting. Apparently Bella had already come across her first human and by the raw smell of blood, she had completed the task. I took off in the direction of the scent, going only slightly faster than I had been previously.

I stopped well short of the clearing that Bella was in, but made sure that she was still in my sights. Although she had seemed to have calmed down by this point, I knew that looks could be deceiving, especially when it came to the erratic nature of newborns. I withdrew a cigarette and a lighter from my pocket.

Lighting the cigarette, I knew the smell would give her warning that I was in the vicinity and give her the chance to leave if she so desired. I stood there smoking for well over a minute when I heard a soft voice speak,

"Where's Edward?"

She must have figured out about a vampire's super sensitive hearing because I could tell she was speaking at a normal level even though I was still far away from her. Without making any motion to move forward I spoke calmly but firmly,

"Edward is back at the house darlin'. Figured it was better to only have one of us out here as to not overwhelm you."

There was silence for another few minutes. I finished my cigarette and put it out beneath my shoe. I then stood still, waiting for her to make the next move. She needed to know that the ball was in her court and that it was up to her what happened next. Finally, that same soft voice spoke to me again,

"You can come over here if you want. I think I'm okay for now."

I nearly smiled at her proclamation that she was okay for _now_. It showed a lot of understanding on her part. She hadn't fooled herself into thinking she was in complete control of the situation. She knew she wasn't going to have that control for a while.

Walking at human pace, as to not scare her, I closed the distance between us. As I approached her, I was able to get a better look at the body that she was still kneeling over. It was a younger guy, probably in his twenties, healthy and obviously out hiking the forests when he had crossed onto my property.

I positioned myself off to her side so that she could still see me if she so desired. I tried to get a read on her emotions. Unlike the rest of the family, I had figured out she was a shield the minute Edward couldn't read her thoughts and it had occurred to me that after she became a vampire and her power strengthened my own talent may not work on her either.

I was pleased that this was not the case. I could sense pride and satisfaction rolling off of her in waves. I also sensed a little bit of confusion, but nothing to indicate that she felt bad about what she had done. I was proud of her in that moment. At least for now, she didn't seem to be letting what the rest of the family believed influence her.

"Where are we?"

She had spoken once again never evening bothering to look up at me. Her voice snapped me out of my trance that I had been in when reading her emotions,

"North Dakota. I own a few thousand acres of land out here. Bought it a couple decades after the civil war ended. Figured it would come in handy someday." She nodded her head,

"It's beautiful here. I can't seem to focus on anything."

Her abrupt change of topic didn't surprise me in the least. It was extremely common for newborns to lack any sort of focus. They were still getting used to brains that were hardwired to focus on multiple things all at once. The transition from the use of a human brain to this new super powered brain would take time to get used to. Until then she probably wouldn't be able to hold onto one train of thought for very long. I told her all of this.

"I was able to focus for a moment though. When I smelt the human. It was the only thing my brain could focus on." I nodded my head,

"Well that's normal. Human blood is the one thing vampires crave above all else. Nothing has a more powerful control."

There was silence again. I could feel frustration coming off of her now. It seemed like she was trying to focus on something, but was having a difficult time making that happen. Finally she looked up at me, no emotions in her eyes,

"Is it wrong to feel like this?"

I assumed she was talking about her blood lust. Most newborns were confused by these feeling when they first woke up. It was often overwhelming because as humans most never desired anything as much as they desired blood.

"The blood lust? It's completely normal and something you will have to get used to darlin'. You are stuck with it for the rest of eternity."

She shook her head at my statement and I thought what I said had upset her. My body tensed, preparing myself for a mood swing if one occurred. Bella merely looked off into the distance though and spoke once more,

"No I mean is it alright to feel how I am feeling after I just killed a human? You must be able to feel my emotions. I feel no remorse. No guilt. I just feel satisfied."

Now I understood her question better. After being surrounded by "vegetarian" vampires who agonized over drinking human blood, she assumed that the same would be true for her. She had fully expected to regret drinking human blood and now felt that there was something wrong with her because she didn't.

"Look I understand that given the example the family has set for you, it would be easy to assume that vampires don't enjoy killing humans. That is completely untrue. Each and every member of the family has their own reason for not wanting to kill humans, but that's personal. We are vampires. We are designed to kill humans. The only one who can decide that it's wrong is you."

"What would the rest of the family think?"

"They probably wouldn't support your decision, but still that is what it has to be. Your decision."

I saw she was struggling with this conversation and decided that it was best to end it. If she pushed herself too hard she could snap again and lose the little bit of temporary control that she had gained. I slowly reached out my hand to her to help her up and watched as she flinched away before relaxing her body and grabbing on to it. As she stood up I spoke once more,

"Are you ready to go back to the house for now? Edward is waiting for you. Also remember, if you need to hunt this is your home now too. Just let one of us know, so we aren't worried where you went."

She nodded her head and when she didn't speak I assumed it was agreement to my question and to what I had just said. Without another word, we began our way back to the house, beginning the long journey ahead of us.

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I hope I was able to do Jasper justice. Please let me know what you guys think! And thank you to all of the people who have favorite, followed, read or reviewed my story so far. I did not expect this story to get this much attention and so fast! I've had over 360 visitors to this story since it was posted last night. Thank you all again!**


	4. Edward

My Bella. My poor sweet Bella. She was the only thought in my mind as I remained back at the house, waiting for Jasper to return with her. This was all my fault. It was because of me that Bella was forced into this cursed existence, forever separated from her soul. Even if I managed to live for the rest of eternity, I would never forgive myself for doing this to such a pure and innocent girl.

My heart ached as I thought of her. If only I had kept my promise and stayed away from her last year. If only I hadn't been so foolish as to let her into mine and my family's life. If only I had been able to change my biology class that first day I had laid eyes on her. If only. Bella would have been far better off without me ever entering into her life.

My family disagreed with me, they didn't believe that this existence was a curse and that there was someplace good for us to go when we stopped existing in this world. I could never believe those empty words. How could any creature such as us be going anywhere other than hell? We were made to kill, we were made to kill _humans_ none the less. Our very nature contradicted the holy rules. As sure as I was that Bella was my singer, I was sure that once my existence ended there would be nothing but fire and brimstone awaiting me.

I was a cursed being and so were the rest of my family, even if they never chose to believe it. God had nothing except pain and suffering for us for the rest of our existence and therein after. This is why I had always know that our association with Bella would end badly. Everything I value in this existence was bound to be cursed just the same as I was. I was sure that God was punishing me for my existence.

This had to be my act of penance for my relapse all of those years ago. All of those human lives I took without second thought, I now paid that debt in full with Bella's life. I would now continue paying that debt for all eternity, as I was forced to watch Bella live out this cursed existence. I knew I had to be strong for her.

No matter how much pain I was in I needed to make sure I was there to guide her. I was her sire and she was my love and therefore it was my responsibility to make sure that she continue on in this existence as untainted as possible. Her soul may have been gone, but I would make sure she never had to suffer the type of penance that I was suffering now. I didn't care what I had to do, there would never be a moment in this eternity that I would not make sure that she was being kept on the right track. I couldn't save my own existence, but maybe I could begin to save hers.

I also had all of the faith in the world in Bella. She was magnificent and strong willed as a human. She had to have been to be able to continue to associate with a group of creatures that existed for the soul purpose of ending her life. I was sure that was going to carry over into this new existence that she had to endure. Bella would not be some blood crazy newborn like the rest of us were, she was special. She would overcome all of this.

This was one fundamental point that Jasper and I disagreed on. I knew that he had much more experience with newborns than I did, but I knew way more about Bella than he could ever hope to. No matter how many times he tried to forewarn me that she may not be the same Bella that I knew as a human when she woke up, I refused to believe it. She would always be my Bella and that was just how it was always going to be.

That was why when she woke up, I didn't hesitate to call out to her. I knew that she would remember me. Jasper had distracted me though, rebuking me for startling her like I did. In that moment he proved to me that he didn't know Bella as well as I did. I could tell that she had been excited to see me. As he was rebuking me, however, my Bella had chosen to try out her new powers and go for her first hunt.

I had always pictured the two of us going together on her first hunt. She was my responsibility after all and I needed to make sure that she maintained the proper diet from the beginning, as to not further taint her existence. So, when I had noticed that she had gone I had made to go after her, but once again Jasper stopped me. He said that he had more experience dealing with newborns and therefore he should be the one to go collect Bella once she was finished hunting.

He spoke as if she was some rabid animal that he needed to go track down and restrain. I knew my Bella better than that. She knew exactly what she was doing and would not need Jasper to "collect" her after she was done. I let him go, though. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity for him to see firsthand how extraordinary my Bella actually was. I hoped that by allowing him to go and see her I action, it would put his fears to rest. Bella didn't need him constantly hovering over her while we stayed here.

This is why I stood on the front porch of the house, watching the forest closely. I knew it would not be long before Bella and Jasper came racing out of those woods. I would be here waiting for my Bella with open arms, ready to stand by her side for the rest of eternity. I would also be waiting her to rub it in Jaspers face when Bella exceeded his expectations, just as I knew she would.

As I stood there waiting, a familiar and tantalizing scent caught my attention. I immediately was able to pinpoint the smell of human blood, coming closer and closer from the tree line of the forest. My eyes widened and then I closed them, praying to any deity that existed that my worst fears were not already coming true. The scent was nearly upon me as I opened my eyes to see Bella and Jasper running full speed towards the house.

The stopped in the middle of the clearing between the tree line and the house. I was then able to get my first real look at Bella now that she was back from her hunt. The dress she was in was shredded to pieces and barely remaining on her person. Her hair was wild and covered in mud and leaves. Her posture tensed as she noticed me looking her over. I tried to take my eyes off of her, but there was one unmistakable fact that seem to keep drawing me in.

She was covered in blood. The red, dry substance ran from her mouth all the way down her chin and throat. I could smell deer and grizzly bear on her, but there was one scent that was much more potent. I could smell the scent of human blood coming off of her in waves. It made the back of my throat burn slightly, as it did anytime I smelt that wonderfully potent substance.

I finally came out of my shock and approached the pair of them. Bella tensed up even more, but made no move to run away. Her eyes never wavered as she watched me cross the clearing and stop within mere feet of her. Sighing I reached out to lightly touch her face,

"Bella. I understand what you just went through must have been extremely difficult for you. Do not blame yourself. We," I sent Jasper a sharp look, "should have been there to make sure nothing went wrong. Just remember everyone has slipped up at one point or another."

Before my hand could even make contact with her fact, her hand snapped up and grabbed my wrist. I realized that she must have still been getting used to her new strength, as she grabbed my wrist so tightly that it was actually painful. Another reminder to the monster that I had turned her into. I gasped slightly at the pressure she was applying to my wrist, but before I could comment Bella pulled me in so that our faces were merely inches apart from one another,

"Are you saying that I should feel bad for drinking human blood?"

Her question caught me off guard. I couldn't believe what I was hearing come out of her mouth at that moment. This couldn't be Bella. My Bella would never even question the guilt or remorse that came with taking a human life. She was such a gentle and kind spirit, I knew that she must be suffering from temporary insanity.

Before I was able to come out of my stupor and formulate my answer, however, Bella let go of my wrist and took a step back from the position we had just been in. Her eyes looked upon me with confusion and a little regret. She watched me for a moment before speaking softly,

"I'm sorry Edward I don't know what just came over me. I…I have so many thoughts going around in my head right now, I'm not sure half of them are even mine. Please forgive me for hurting you."

I nodded my head. Of course I would forgive her, it was the least I could do after forcing her into an eternity of suffering. I gave her a small reassuring smile, and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear,

"Why don't you head into the house and get washed up? I'll be inside in a minute if you need anything from me."

I could have sworn I saw her eyes darken for just a moment, before she relaxed once more and nodded her head. She took off towards the house and I waited until she was inside before rounding on Jasper. I knew that if she wanted to she could probably still hear us from inside the house, but I didn't want to embarrass her in front of Jasper.

"What happened out there? Why is she acting like that and why is she covered in human blood?" I hissed at him.

This was all his fault. If he would have just let me be the one to follow Bella into the forest then none of this would have happened. Bella would have listened to me. I should have known sending someone in who she wasn't very close with would result in this terror. I fixed him with a hard gaze the he returned easily as he spoke,

"What happened out there is between me and Bella. If you want to know then I suggest you ask her yourself."

I let out a frustrated growl and began trying to read his mind to figure out what had gone on out there. I was instantly bombarded with the lyrics to some country song that I had no interest in ever listening to. This angered me even more. I narrowed my eyes as Jasper spoke once more,

"I told you go ask Bella if you want to know what happened. You aren't going to find out by reading my mind." My voice came out low as I spoke,

"I need to know what happened out there so that I can make sure it never happens again. I'm merely trying to do what's…"

Before I could even finish my sentence I found myself being lifted up by my throat by Jasper. His eyes were nearly black at this point showing how angry he was, even if his voice was eerily calm,

"If you are going to say you are trying to do what's best for her then you need to shut your mouth right there. You were trying to do what was best for her before and look where that has gotten us. What's best for Bella right now is to have the freedom and support to make her own decisions. Is that understood?"

I nodded my head, but inside I was fuming. I was going to have try harder than ever to make sure that Bella stayed away from Jasper. I knew what was best for Bella and eventually Jasper would come to realize this. My Bella knew that everything I did was for her own benefit.

Jasper set me down and glanced off towards the forest. Without looking at me he spoke one last time,

"I'm going to go hunt."

With that he took off and turned to head back into the house. I would keep Bella safe no matter what it took, that was a promise.

**A/N: I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I have to say, out of all three of them so far, Edward has definitely been the most difficult to write. I'm still not 100% sure I'm thrilled with chapter, but I knew that if I didn't post it now then I never would because I would continue agonizing over it. Therefore, I hope to hear feedback from you guys on how I did writing Edward's POV so that I can work on anything I need to for his next chapter.**

**On that note, thanks to everyone who read, followed, favorited, and reviewed this story so far. I am so glad that you guys are enjoying it as much as I am enjoying writing it! You probably won't see anything from me for about a week as I am going on a mini vacation, so until then goodbye all!**


	5. Bella II

Anger. Confusion. Frustration. _Thirst_.

I never thought it would be possible to feel so many different things at once before I came into this new existence. Even after hunting I still felt like my mind and body were acting on their own accord, racing ahead as I struggled to keep up. Nothing seemed to match up. My mind would consider an action and before the action was even completed, my mind would have raced on ahead, plotting out my next ten moves.

It was driving me crazy.

It was so hard to imagine living for the rest of eternity like this. My brain continuously overloaded itself with information and I never felt tired or weary, although there was always that sense that I should. I was processing things that I could never have fathomed processing as a human. All of the sights, scents and colors that now surrounded me that I had never known to exist before.

All of that I could find some way to live with, however.

It was this never ending on and off switch that seemed to be controlling my emotions that made me want to rip my own hair out and scream. It had to be a vampire thing. I'm not sure it's possible for human to even be able to begin to process the rapidly changing high level emotions that I had been feeling in the short time since I had awaken. Most of my memories from being human were rather fuzzy, but I was sure that if my emotions had run away like this when I was still human I would have been locked up in a psych ward by now.

How did Jasper do it?

Once again my brain made an abrupt turn out of nowhere, connecting ideas together at such as speed that even in this new form I was still have trouble keeping up with it. That brief moment it settled on Jasper allowed me to think about the struggles that he must go through every day because of his gift. I only had to deal with my crazy emotions, but Jasper had to deal with his own and everyone else's who happened to be near him at the time.

I would go mad. Maybe he could help me.

Suddenly, my thoughts made another abrupt turn. _Blood_. I could already feel the burning sensation in the back of my throat once more. It wasn't nearly as bad as it had been when I first woke up, but it was annoying and slowly becoming more and more of a problem. I could feel the shift within myself. My thoughts began racing by in a blur.

Hunt. Kill. Blood.

It was all so primitive and yet I could feel the urge to run back to the forest overcoming me once more. I could hear someone approaching the house. I hadn't been paying attention to what Edward and Jasper had been talking about, so I wasn't sure which one it was at first. I took a small breath in.

Edward.

I small growl rose from the back of my throat. I had no idea why his scent brought about that reaction, but at that moment I didn't care. As I stood in the kitchen, frozen like a statue, I tried to reel myself back in. I tried to overcome these instinct that were once again threatening to consume me. Out of the corner of my eye I barely registered Edward appearing in the kitchen.

He immediately approached me and rested a hand on my shoulder. This action allowed me to gain a tiny bit of control back. I looked down and realized that I was gripping that counter in front of me so hard that parts of it had already been reduced to dust. I stared at the counter for a long moment, trying to regain some of that control I had just experience briefly, when Edward spoke,

"Bella I know the need to hunt is probably driving you crazy right now, but you are stronger than this. You can resist it. You have too much strength within you to give into those urges without a second thought. You are better than this."

I know that he probably meant those words to be reassuring, but all they did was ignite a small fire within me. Another low growl erupted from inside my throat and I roughly shrugged his hand off of my shoulder. He stared at me with a shocked face, but I was too far gone to care.

I'll show him strength.

I took off at full speed. My body had once again reacted before I even knew what I had wanted to do and I could already feel my control beginning to slip away once again. Some deep part of me wanted to turn around and apologize to Edward. Another, much more prevalent part of me, didn't care. This part of me was angry and needed to get away before I ripped his head off, literally.

This was the part of me that just wanted to scream and yell in frustration. The part of me that wanted to stomp my feet and beat at the ground like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Anything to finally make him listen. Anything to get him to understand.

As a human he always saw me as weak and breakable. I was fragile and therefore a constant liability in his eyes. If he wasn't constantly worried about controlling his blood lust, he was worrying that his family might kill me at any given moment. He could never see me as anything except the small, breakable human whose soul he was damning to hell every day that he spent with me.

My soul.

This was the biggest point of contention between me and Edward when I was still human. He was completely convinced that he had no soul and that if I ever came into this existence, my soul would also be lost. No matter what I tried to tell him, no matter what my beliefs on the subject were, he would never budge. I'm sure he had convinced himself that my poor, slow human mind could not comprehend that vast complexities of that situation at the time.

As a human I looked forward to the day when I would convince him to change me. I could not wait to enter this existence because I would finally be an equal, I could finally be normal in his eyes. I wouldn't be some weak, pathetic human girl.

I would just _be_. That was all I ever wanted, to be normal in his eyes.

It was becoming readily apparent that this would never be the case, however. Where before I was weak and completely incapable of taking care of myself in his eyes, I was now some supreme being that could resist all of the urges that came with being a newborn vampire. It frustrated me to no end. I went from being weak Bella to strong Bella, when I just wanted to be Bella.

That part of me that was internally screaming in frustration was quickly taking over my all of my conscious thought. I was already deep into the forest. I wasn't sure where I was running to. I just allowed myself to be led by the most basic instincts. Everything was quickly becoming a blur as I ran through the forest.

Animal after animal began to drop dead at my feet in my quest to quench this ever burning thirst in the back of my throat. I wasn't even sure what I was drinking from anymore, all I knew was that it was not enough, it was never enough. Running throughout the forest I continued on my hunt until finally I came to a rest underneath a large pine tree.

The blood I had just drank sloshed around in my bloated stomach. I felt as if I was going to explode at any moment, but my throat was still burning. It was not immediate concern, though. I was finally regaining some semblance of control over myself. As much control as I could gain, anyway, with a mind and body that reacted faster than I could keep up with most of the time.

I stared out into the empty forest and for the first time really took in the astounding beauty around me. There were some many new sights for my eyes to behold, that I would have never been able to see as a human. It was breathtaking, metaphorically of course. I saw colors that I never knew existed and this moment, looking out into the forest made me think about this new eternity I had waiting ahead of me.

As angry and frustrated this new existence was making me, I was also excited. There were going to be so many new experiences ahead of me that would have never been possible as a human. I could see places I would have never had the chance to see, do things that would have been impossible before. If the beauty of the forest before me was anything to go by, then I had many more beauties awaiting me once I kicked this nasty newborn habit.

It was in this moment that I truly could not understand Edward saying that as vampires we had no soul. It was true that at the beginning we are blood thirsty, crazy, killing machines, but we outgrow that, just as most human children outgrow their behavior. It is also true that we are designed by nature to kill humans, but humans eat other living creatures too. Does that mean that only vegetarian humans have a soul?

I just couldn't believe anything he said about souls at that very moment. How could something that existed without a soul be able to behold the beauty that was in front of me right now? There was no way that I could see and truly take in the beauty that was surrounded me if my soul didn't exist.

It was not possible.

I still wasn't sure on a lot of the details of my existence, but one thing that I was sure of was that I had a soul and I would never allow Edward to convince me otherwise. I just hoped that someday he could see what I was seeing right now and stop hating this existence. I finally felt that I belonged somewhere, even if it was proving to be much harder to handle than I had expected.

For once I felt that I could overcome any challenge that was thrown my way, even the challenge of being a newborn. I felt empowered and ready to take on the world. All I needed to do now was snap Edward out of whatever fantasy that he had wrapped himself in. I couldn't imagine living out the rest of my eternity with someone who spoke of me as if he should be bowing at my feet and not standing beside me as an equal.

Maybe Jasper could tell me how to handle this situation. I had this vague feeling that none of the Cullens ever wanted to interfere with Edward and mine's relationship when I was human, but maybe now that I wasn't going anywhere for a very long time he would help me. He's known Edward for many decades, so he might have a better idea on how to handle him than I do because at that moment I realized that I was at a complete loss.

One thing I could remember clearly from being human is that I had always let Edward make all of the calls and decisions when it came to our relationship. Back when, in my eyes, he was smarter, faster and all around better than me. Now we were equals and I had no idea how to begin talking to him in a way that didn't involve agreeing with his every word.

Standing up, I took off once again through the forest back towards the house. I needed to find Jasper before my bloodlust overtook me once again.

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the delay! As I said I was on a mini-vacation and then as soon as I came home I had to start getting all of my things ready to head back to school on Sunday. So this week has been extremely hectic. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and thank you to everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed this story so far!**


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